Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
