I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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