I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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