I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
even my farts smell like vagina
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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