so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
