we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
