Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Randomize
