Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Randomize