i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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