6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
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