Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
