i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Just high enough for therapy.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
