The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
you had me at cake vodka
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
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