That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
