just tell him i said nine months
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
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