loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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