a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
