I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
