READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
