I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
