I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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