The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Randomize
