I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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