i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
