you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize