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• (609): View more from New Jersey

  so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?

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• (970): View more from Colorado

  I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina

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• (914): View more from New York

  I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.

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• (619): View more from California

  surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.

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• (816): View more from Missouri

  ... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.

  (314): View more from Missouri

  I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.

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• (218): View more from Minnesota

  I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them

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• (609): View more from New Jersey

  LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.

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• (319): View more from Iowa

  Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.

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• (817): View more from Texas

  If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer

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• (775): View more from Nevada

  He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits

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• (203): View more from Connecticut

  Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.

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• (516): View more from New York

  Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.

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• (586): View more from Michigan

  Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face

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• (586): View more from Michigan

  IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009

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• (303): View more from Colorado

  final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime

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