I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Randomize
