How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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