Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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