Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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