Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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