I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
MIDGETS
????
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
