So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
