Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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