Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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