Quick, to the slutcave!
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Help. Why am I so naked?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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