if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
