She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
