Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
it's like iHOP with fire
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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