what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
