k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
