can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
