I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
