I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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