I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
