did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize