Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Randomize