I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
