They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize