Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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