i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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