she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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