Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
