Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
