have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
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