Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
