I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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