Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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