Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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