I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
