i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
