please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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