The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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