There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Is it because I queefed?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Randomize