A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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