Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
